Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Free Pacman!

Yes, this is a deviation from the sport I normally write about, but the site got its name somewhere, so let me tell the tale. ‘Twas a beautiful night somewhere in the south, probably Nashville, and my good pal Adam “Pacman” Jones was out for a night on the town with his old chums. He was walking down the streets, having a merry evening and he wound up in front of a strip club. He approached the door and said to his friends, “Why I say, we should have a look inside this fancy establishment.” They entered the door and saw many women shaking their “badonkadonks” and serving alcoholic beverages, and Pacman decided to take the day off from his normal straight edge mannerisms. He went up to one of the exotic dancers and enjoyed himself while his “brothers” went along there own merry way in other parts of the club. In a joking manner, Pacman proceeded to “Make it Rain on them hoes,” like he heard in his favorite song by Fat Joe, which is the process in which one throws dollar bills at the strippers. But when he continued this festive act, the greedy owner of the club came out, stole all of innocent Pacman’s money, and ran. Pacman was outraged and ran after the owner. When the owner was too far away to shout at, Pacman took out his “gat” and shot at him to get the owner to pay attention to him. And which one of these men gets arrested? Poor ole Pacman. Ok that is not at all how it happened, except the fact that Pacman shot the dude because the owner thought he was tipping his strippers; while Pacman claims he was just festively throwing the money around. But come on, the NFL should not suspend him for the whole year for that. No one got hurt, no one lost anything, except Pac’s money, so everything should be good. But no. He is a victim. I will admit, Jones probably shouldn’t have gotten a speeding ticket and gone to another strip club the week before appealing to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, but let’s be real here. If he didn’t do that and set the tone for all those aspiring kids out there, how would they know that strip club owners are extremely selfish and steal your money like pickpockets when you made no declaration of giving strippers your money. Pacman is not a charitable guy, so I have no idea where the owner got this idea. He is a role model. And what did he do when he found out about his “fair” punishment? He manned up, and apologized to the whole state of Tennessee by taking out a full page add in the state newspaper, with a heart-felt apology to his fans telling him that he would solve his problems and make himself a better person. O.J. just said he was innocent, Kobe bought his wife a giant ring and just said he was sorry to her, Barry Bonds refused to testify to the courts, and Ron Artest just said everything was a lie and people should be nicer to him. But all these guys are still loved by someone: O.J. by USC fans and many nonbelievers, Kobe by Los Angeles, Bonds by the Yay Area, and Artest by……..Artest but his ego is at least two separate people. And none of them punished. So why should Jones lose a chance to play a whole season? No, that’s just wrong. He is a model citizen. So let’s recap, Adam “Pacman” Jones is a victim or society, a role model for inexperienced kids everywhere, and an icon for people who struggle to live their lives. I smell a power surge by Goodell and the No-Fun-League, and that’s is just horrible. I don’t care that he had a man at gunpoint that “thought” he knew Pacman. He was wrong, and so is everyone who thinks Pac should be suspended. If he can’t appeal this suspension, then I say he should run for President of the United States, with Floyd Landis as his VP. Hey, if Bush could get re-elected again, I’ll take a Jones-Landis ticket 24/7, Dre Snoop and Devean.

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